As Grandmaster Arbiter of the fifth RVA Blog Carnival I can apparently roll however I’d like. Because I’m a nice guy — or a terrible man with a black and evil heart — I’m going give a little more exposure to those lesser known (to me) blogs. Make sure you check the bottom of this post for a concise rundown of posts by bloggers who already have full frontal good exposure.

First, some announcements. John’s been busy and just launched Richmond’s newest community blog: Hills and Heights serving Westover Hills, Forest Hill, Woodland Heights, Forest View Heights and Stratford Hills. Also, because Richmonder’s (this one included) have a mental break down when they see snow the Second RVABlogger Congress was “postponed.”

I, somehow, missed the class trip to the crater in Petersburg. This bums me out. Apparently that town is hopping with the funky fresh ideas (free public wifi!). Additionally they call their downtown “Olde Towne.” Awesome.

One thing that I didn’t miss in class was the bit about how Richmond invented slavery. But hey, we apologized for that and we have a new “we’re sorry” statue! Check out this great primer on all things reconciliation staute.

LBH, triathlons are hard. What could possibly be worse than training for one on vacation?

Does anyone else realize that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are needlessly turtles? Nothing in the plot has anything to do with them being huge mutant turtles. I never got a good answer about this from Susan when we went to see the new TMNT movie. I will tell you she seriously likes those turtles. It is kind of weird. Don’t say anything to her about it though.

I am too dumb to grok real poetry, but Poetry Is About Feelings is hilarious and just about my speed: “Poems about anything you want in ten minutes or less!” Like: “people who wear 80’s clothes.” Amazing.

The concise rundown previously mentioned

• Smoking in restaurants sucks, but maybe something is worse?
• Theresa Pollak Richmond’s matron of art.
• A review of Starr Foster’s “Confessions.”
• WTF, they have penguins in Africa? I mean I knew they did. DID YOU?!
• Ashland Coffee and Tea is great (and smoke free!).
• Some sweet videos from this year’s Slaughterama
• Snoopy has some fun with URL’s at the school board’s expense.

Today is the anniversary of Patrick Henry’s famous speech down there at St. John’s Church in Richmond, VA. You know the one, about the liberty and such. If I had to guess, I might predict that there may be a reenactment or something going on there, although that may simply come from spending too much time living in Williamsburg - I’m not sure how they do things in Richmond. How they roll.

So this is a famous speech, or at least, it is a famous last paragraph of a speech. The whole thing - in its entirety - is pretty short though, and is worth reading. Even without a preconceived burning hatred for the British, it is pretty effective in instilling one, at least to me. You can read it here, if you like: wikisource.

Of course, something to keep in mind while reading that, and something which the wikipedia article does not mention, but which I am fairly certain is, nonetheless, true, is that no one wrote the speech down while he was speaking it, and Henry was not the sort of person to write down his speeches beforehand. So there is probably a degree of creative license, or creative memory there; be warned.

I might be thinking of the Gettysburg Address though?

The title of this post is stolen from the Daily Show book. FYI.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Give_me_liberty_or_give_me_death

Now, I don’t normally type headers in all-caps. The woman I’m married to can’t stand it. But if ever a time came when an all-caps title was needed … that time was now (WTF tenses).

Seriously, Slaughterama Four. Saturday March 31 on Belle Isle.

Slaughterama is the sweetest darn bike festival on the eastern seaboard — held right here in our town. And by bike festival I mean drunken explosion of cranks and chains. Words don’t really do it justice you really need to check out the pictures.

More details to come but this far the events include:

• Six pak attak
• Four way whiplash (this is seriously awesome / someone might die)
• Chicken fight races
• Chariot races
• Best in show
• World’s smallest messenger race

If you miss it, you’ll feel like the biggest toolbox. Come to watch, bring a beer, get arrested for drunk in public!

We’ve been having an interesting discussion here about Richmond City’s (possibly) unreasonable minimum monthly water bill. To summarize where we are so far:

• Richmond City residents pay a minimum monthly water bill of 43.55$ regardless of how much water they actually use.
• The average American uses around 400 cubic feet of water a month (supposedly).
• If you use between zero and 10,000 cubic feet of water a month you pay 0.01144$ per cubic foot of water (and 0.01684$ per cubic foot of water water (this is based on how much water you use, not how much is actually waste)).
• If you use between 10,100 and 200,000 cubic feet of water you pay 0.00585$ per cubic foot of water. A savings of 49%.
• Richmond seems to have a much higher minimum monthly water bill than the surrounding counties. Henrico, for instance, has a minimum monthly bill of 26.50$ and that includes 600 cubic feet of water.
• A couple of surrounding counties bill utilities on a bi-monthly schedule. The idea is if you can send out 1.5M less bills each year you can save some cash.

A couple of thoughts that came out of the discussion:

• It seems unjust to charge poor people a (possibly) unreasonable amount for a life necessity.
• Switching to a bi-monthly billing schedule would put an unreasonable strain on poor families, especially in the winter months when gas bills are in the 300$-400$ range per month.
• It might be good to give a “deep discount” to customers who use a small amount of water.
• Perhaps businesses, especially restaurants, depend on the bulk water usage discount. Increasing their rates would ultimately hit our pockets somewhere down the line.
• There is no incentive to conserve water.

Now the question is, “where do we go from here?” Richmond’s Green Party representative, Scott Burger, addressed the City Council about this issue on Monday. I guess a starting point would be to contact your city council representative. A good idea might be to organize a bit and come up with some solutions, or gather some more information.

Also, Burger is offering 100$ cash to anyone that can “find any city in the entire United States that has amore[sic.] regressive minimum water and sewer rate than Richmond’s.” More details after the jump.
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If you missed the show last Wednesday you need to atone, ATONE HARD. While you are thinking of ways to make amends for missing the coolest thing to happen in Richmond this year check out the mp3’s and video:

• Say it Ain’t So
• Undone - The Sweater Song

Turns out. If someone is going to mistake me, over here in my Haduken capacities, as a source of press and send me a press release, well, I am going to have to post it.

Apparently, and I expect someone more intelligent than I to read the press release and tell me if this is true or not, Richmond City gives you a discount if you use over 10,000 cubic feet (umm a lot?) of water each month. To subsidize that discount regular folks like you and I pay a minimum water bill of 43.55$. In Hopewell you can get your water bill down to as low as 12.20$.

So — assuming this isn’t a hoax0rz — call your council person and complain.

Full text of the release after the jump. Really, I am looking for thoughts on this one.
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My good friend the bearded MattWhite, of various fames, is hosting — what some are calling — the bestest event ever to happen ever. Tonight at The Cous his “amalgamation of saxophones, trombones, trumpet, guitar, bass, and drums” called Fight the Big Bull will cover Weezer’s Blue Album from top to bottom.

It should be excellent and I am expecting some amazing sing-a-longs. The 90’s reunion starts at 9.30pm tonight at Cous Cous. Get there early as seating and standing room will be limited.

Way back in 2k4 (was it seriously that long ago?) some cops tried to break up a house show via the ever subtle Pepper Spray Grenade Technique. Nineteen dagum kids where pepper sprayed in the process. The cops where later heard joking “Man, we got to use the pepper spray, that’s always fun.” I remember it being a pretty big deal at the time amongst certain circles.

Well, three years later it turns out that tossing a pepper spray fogger into a small, unventilated, crowded room is not the best course of action:

Richmond Police will pay each of the plaintiffs $2,500 apiece, for a total of $47,500, says Richmond attorney Steven Benjamin, who represented the plaintiffs. Also as part of the settlement, all of the charges against those attending the party will be dropped.

And also, because Richmond is awesome:

As a final statement, most of the 19 people who filed the lawsuit will donate their settlement checks to an undetermined charity.