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CORPSES: The Review

by: midas

This weekend, we went to go see BODIES: The Exhibition. It was creepy and interesting. But mostly, it was creepy.

Maybe you’ve heard of it. It’s the one where they take actual dead humans, apply a mysterious technique called “polymer preservation” (which, from what I can tell and imagine, is something like pumping the corpse full of plastic resin, resulting in something like petrified wood - only considerably more morbid), and then posing them like Ken dolls. I say “Ken dolls” because they are pretty much all dudes (you can tell from all the penises).

The exhibit is billed as an educational service, teaching the public about the magical world underneath their skin, and it comes complete with people dressed up like doctors (the iconic white lab coat) who explain things and answer questions. These people are not, however actual doctors, or med students. The one working while we were there was a photographer and a rapper. He was super nice and said that the exhibit provided inspiration for his music (for reference, this was in the circulatory system section).

The show is pretty much what you might expect; you progress through several rooms, each focused on some bodily system, from the skeletal to the reproductive. All of the body parts are from real actual people, and as we moved through, I became more and more disturbed by the whole production. I understand that these people donated their bodies (more on this later) to science or whatever, but despite the educational framing, it felt more like spectacle than anything else. People making jokes, chewing gum, and pointing, made me rather uncomfortable, and I felt under-dressed, like I should be wearing a suit or something. I mean these were real people, who lived lives. Now they are entertainment? Do their families get a cut of the ticket price? Did this guy even play basketball?

I don’t know if that is prudish of me or not. What knocked me over the edge was the leathered, flayed skin of one of the humans, laid out and tanned in a glass case. From this, we were meant to learn about the skin. It’s the largest organ in the body, don’t you know. The eyes, nose and mouth had been cut out, leaving empty holes, like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The tip of his penis had been cut off as well; I’m not sure why. Someone bumped the case, and the skin slowly rocked back and forth, empty.

All the dead people appear to be Chinese. This is kind of weird, since you might expect that the distribution of people who want to donate their bodies might cut across racial boundaries. At least, it wouldn’t be 100% Chinese, 0% everyone else. This made me wonder if the bodies had really been donated, or if they had been sold or something, by the poor family of some Mainland Chinese peasant or something. I dunno.

Anyways, according to Wikipedia, it’s a little more sketchy than that. The bodies were apparently donated by the Chinese government, the government having been unable to find any next of kin (!!!). That’s right, no informed consent, just, “hey, we found some dead bodies, you want some?”.

Wild speculation is that the former owners of the bodies might have been political prisoners who had been executed and “dissapeared,” apparently to museums across the country. Sweet.

I guess the question for me is: was there anything so compelling or educational about the corpses that couldn’t have been done with a bunch of _fake_ brains, lungs, and skeletons? I don’t know, I kind of feel like most people wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. I think the biggest difference would be that the show wouldn’t sell as well. And that’s kind of a troubling reason for me.

The exhibit is showing up in Rosslyn right on the other side of the river from DC, by the Iwo Jima Memorial. Tickets were 26$ a pop. My recommendation: skip it.

Mandatory Wikipedia link:
Here.

At least it’s not as sketchy as this one:
Banned in Germany!

Oscar Pick’em: A cupcake extravaganza

by: Ross

I’ve decided to enter an Oscar pool with three fellow bloggers (whom I actually know IRL): Justin, Susan, and Wife (whom I really know in IRL, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN). Other than watching a butt-ton of movies I am pretty dull about them. I wouldn’t say I have a dearth of movie related knowledge, but I wouldn’t say the pink triangle is my bailiwick either.

Oh PS. Winner of the pool gets to pick a movie we all must watch together while the losers must make delicious sundries including: cupcakes, pigs-in-a-blanket, and smoothies. What follows is a semi-annotated list of who I think will — and possibly should &mdashl win the 79th Academy Awards.

Best Motion Picture of the Year

Queen

Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role

Peter O’Toole

Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role

Helen Mirren

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role

Eddie Murphy — DARKNESS!!!

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role

Rinko Kikuchi — Really I wanted to pick that cute girl from Little Miss Sunshine, but I didn’t.

Best Achievement in Directing

Martin Scorsese

Best Writing, Screenplay Written Directly for the Screen

Little Miss Sunshine

Best Writing, Screenplay Based on Material Previously Produced or Published

Notes on a Scandal

Best Achievement in Cinematography

Children of Men — Seriously, a twenty minute battle scene with no cuts. Amazing.

Best Achievement in Editing

The Departed

Best Achievement in Art Direction

El Laberinto del Fauno

Costume Design

Dream Girls

Best Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures, Original Score

Notes on a Scandal

Best Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures, Original Song

Dream Girls “Listen” — I’m pretty sure a song from Dream Girls will win, but I don’t really know which one.

Best Achievement in Makeup

Apocalypto

Best Achievement in Sound

Flags of Our Fathers

Best Achievement in Sound Editing

Flags of Our Fathers

Best Achievement in Visual Effects

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

Best Animated Feature Film of the Year

Happy Feet

Best Foreign Language Film of the Year

El Laberinto del Fauno

Best Documentary, Feature

An Inconvenient Truth — I wish Al Gore could add “Academy Award Winner” to his resume. That would be so badass.

Best Documentary, Short Subjects

Recycled Life — Let’s just assume this movie is about recycling. Because, LBH, 2k7 is all about the Planet Earth

Best Short Film, Animated

The Little Matchgirl

Best Short Film, Live Action

The Saviour — Because I thought it was obvious.

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Pan’s Labyrinth: there are easier ways to become a communist

by: Ross

RMSzero and I ventured out of the (relative) safety of the city limits to catch a flick at the Short Pump Move Complex. Aside: Isn’t it odd that when you live inside the city limits you feel more comfortable among bums and transvestitutes than rent-a-cops and soccer mom’s that insist on driving while chatting it up with their bestest girlfriend about neighbor Dave and how Kimberly saw him eating dinner at the clubhouse with Ashley the sixteen year old babysiter?

Anywhoo, don’t worry about us. We went, we saw, and we got the hell out of their alive — barely. The movie on the menu was Pan’s Labyrinth or El Laberinto del Fauno, directed by Guillermo Del Toro. Del Toro is a mexican director “famous” for directing Hellboy and Blade II.

His dad was also kidnapped in 1988, wtf?

Pan’s Labyrinth is an interesting amalgamation of fantasy, horror, and war story. Basically what we have here is a fairy tale set during the Spanish Civil War with an appropriate amount of gristle. I’ll will admit, however, I had to squint at the screen during a scene that involved the SEWING OF HUMAN FLESH. I mean, some shit I just can’t handle.

I thought the visuals were awesome, specifically the creature design. I would have been happy, no happier, if we could just drop the whole Spanish Civil War thing and do more of the running away from creepy well designed monsters thing. But hey there was, as RMSzero said, “lots of plot.” YMMV.

The most interesting thing about Pan, other than the preview of 300 before the movie started, was the melding of horror and fairy tale. This isn’t a new idea, but one that we’ve forgotten about apparently. You might even say that this was how fairy tales started out before those bastards at Disney got ahold of them. Something about a horror flick starring an innocent little kid makes it EVEN MORE HORRORFUL.

I’d say, three point five stars baby — more for the visuals and the genre blending than anything else.

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13 movie reviews in under 2,600 characters

by: Ross

Casablanca

I loved this movie. I never realized how many famous lines came out of this film.

*****

A Streetcar Named Desire

Why aren’t movies magical anymore?

*****

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

You had me at hello RDJr.

****

Hotel Rwanda

How did I miss this guy speaking at Chop Suey last year!?

****

Fullmetal Alchemist: The Movie: Conqueror of Shamballa

You know, one of those alternate universes where Nazi’s are on the verge of a victory through the occult. They should just make more seasons and less movies.

****

The Usual Suspects

Before this movie Kevin Spacey was in “The Ref” — the best Christmas movie ever. Now Kevin Spacey is Mr. Legitimate Actor. Lesson: costar in a movie with Dennis Leary.

****

Happy Endings

I’ll admit, a rating of four stars is a bit high for this movie. But LBH. I am a sucker for a Gyllenhaal. Also Lisa Kudrow is strangely attractive to me, like, in a hot mom sort of way.

****

The Virgin Suicides

1) James Woods looks exactly like my grandfather in this movie. 2) Kirsten Dunst is hot even though she is supposed to be 14. 3) One of the suiciders was definitely not a virgin at time of suicide.

***

Brick

INTRIGUING! That guy from “10 Things I Hate About You” plays some serious Sam Spade action. I’m not sure why everyone talked like they were in a 50’s detective movie though?

***

Poltergeist

Craig T. “Coach” Nelson stars in this film which is the “The ‘burbs” of the genre. A Steven Spielberg production — you’d probably be better of just watch Jaws..

***

V for Vendetta

NOTICE TO LADIES: shave your heads it is incredibly hott.

***

The Tete and the Moon

Tits and farts. And I do mean lots of tits. Some of this movie is clevery, most of this movie is awkward.

**

The 40 Year Old Virgin

How is this movie two hours and thirteen minutes long?

**

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Wii: Internet Channel (trial version) impressions.

by: Ross

WTF AWESOME!?

This morning I was, again, greeted by the cool pulsating glow of my best friend in the world Wii. “Oh shit!” I said, remembering that the Opera-made web browser was supposed to drop today. I’m not sure why I switched into a narrative right there, weird.

Anyway as is custom with downloading crap from the Wii Store I went through the following process:

  • Step 1: try to connect to the Wii Store and fail.
  • Step 2: reconnect to the Wii Store and succeed (after five minutes of waiting).
  • Step 3: spend thirty minutes downloading whatever you need to download.

But huzzah of huzzahs I have the web browser and it might be … super awesome?

It seems to render things pretty fast, and since it uses the Opera engine it renders things as well as you could ask. Javascript seems to work well too: the slidy effect that happens when you click “touch” on Haduken (circa. 2006) worked great. I was able to log into gmail, myspace, and the admin panel for Haduken without issue. I did get an error of “unsupported protocol” while on myspace, but honestly that could be a zillion things. That place is a trash hole.

Television screens are pretty lowres and crappy for displaying awesome things like websites and facebook profiles, but Opera gives us two great tools to overcome this. First you get a cool zoom function. Point the Wiimote somewhere on the screen and hit the “+” button and BAM ZOOM. Most text, on my screen (30″ Sony CRT), is nearly legible. Zoomed in every thing reads like a piece of cake.

The second tool you get is “single column mode” which is activated by pressing “1.” Opera has had this in their browser for a while now and it is a neat feature. Basically it shrinks everything down into one column based on “source order.” For sites who have thought about how important source order can be for non-standard browsers, sites like Haduken.com, things look great and easy to read. Other sites may look like crap. YMMV.

My only two complaints thus far are a lack of tabs and the keyboard. Firefox tabs have really spoiled me and I almost don’t know how to browse the web without tabs. The keyboard (I think) is ABC order not QWERTY which is laaaaame. I mean come on.

I think I may actually use the browser on a regular basis. It is so convenient and easy to use. Plus, LBH, I am either watching netflix or playing the Wii and the browser is right there in front of me. I also might just leave my Wii on all the time, does anyone think that this could be a problem?

I’ll check back in a couple of weeks to see if I am actually using the Wii browser, or if it is more of a novelty.

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Wii: Forecast channel impressions

by: Ross

I woke up this morning greeted by the pulsating blue glow of my Wii telling me that I had a message. Turns out it wasn’t midas sending me another Civil War general Mii, but it was Nintendo letting me know that the Forecast Channel was available for download!

I’ve only had about five minutes to play with it — since it took twenty to download. Aside: is everyone else’s Wii exceedingly slow to connect to the i-net? Mainly the Wii Store? Seriously that thing takes for. ev. er.

Anyway, the Forecast Channel lets you pick your State/City and then gives you a pretty generic view of today’s weather. Other options include: tomorrow’s forecast, 5-day forecast, and UV index (wtf?).

The coolest part about the Forecast Channel is The Globe. The Globe gives you a weather map ON A GLOBE. You can zoom out, zoom in, and spin it around. I’m not really sure why you would need to check the weather in Moscow on a moments notice, but it is neat and fun.

Also, I thought downloads were supposed to happen automatically in the middle of the night with this crazy WiiConnect24 business?

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The ladies of RVABlogs

by: Ross

RVABlogs.com, in its infancy, was a dirty corner of the web filled with local political hacks pointing their grubby little fingers at each other. Today a cadre of lady bloggers regularly pound out some serious quality blogs.

Over the past year the site has doubled in popularity — which means more ladies AWWWW YEAH!!! Last we checked 35% of our readers think Prince is sexy are female. Not only are a lot of ladies reading RVABlogs, but a lot of ladies are blogging. Not only are they blogging, but they are some of the best bloggers in Richmond.

So here are some of the best lady bloggers in Richmond:

  • Valeree Lynn @ Made in Richmond. I mean I kind of have to open with this one because I am married to her. But LBH, she isn’t ranked the #5 overall blog for nothing.
  • Brandon @ Brandon Eats. Brandon. Confusing I know. But her blog might be the most consistently best written (unlike this sentence) blog on RVABlogs. Plus some of the stuff she makes in the kitchen blows my mind. One day I will make that potato tortilla.
  • Kristin @ Double Vision. She really has double vision due to some nasty eye problems (which lead to hilarity?). The stories about her dog are priceless.
  • Amy @ Modern Atelier. If you are into makeup and shit, this blog is for you. That isn’t really my scene but the blog is well written and informative (Wrinkle creams ineffective?!?). My wife talks about it all the time, and she loves stuff.
  • Sarah @ Sarah Says. Hilarious. I actually regularly LOL — like in real life — when I read her blog. EL-OH-EL FOLKS.
  • Chris @ Tales of a Post-Grad Nothing. If funny stories about plane-crashingly awkward human interactions are your thing this is your place. Her family might be insane. Like should be committed insane.
  • Susan @ Misanthropic Review. She writes excellent and pointed (or poignant?) movie reviews, totally worth reading. I do wish she would post more though. YOU ARE ON NOTICE SUSAN.

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10 movie reviews in under 2,000 characters

by: Ross

The Royal Tenenbaums

I’m late to the whole Wes Anderson thing, but better late than never right? I mean, who is your favorite in this movie? Everyone turns in a stellar performance.

*****

Delicatessen

Amelie director Jean-Pierre Jeunet shows us why you can’t ever trust French people. They may just eat you.

****

Borat

Should you laugh hysterically or leave the theatre? Are all white Americans bigots? Is it gross when two hairy naked guys wrestle and in the process expose their testicles?

****

Badlands

Martin Sheen was sooooo HAWT back in the day. Especially when he played a murderin’ James Dean.

****

Thank You for Smoking

While watching the History Channel the other day I learned that China has more smokers than America has Americans. It was Modern Marvels: Tobacco. More interesting than this movie I think.

***

Saw 2

Saw II: Cruise Control! Not as psychologically disturbing as the first one - although it was gooier. Note: that fat guy who looks like Mark Wahlberg is actually his brother Donnie.

***

The Shop Around the Corner

Is Tom Hanks a poor man’s Jimmy Stewart? I don’t know but this movie was silly. PS. You’ve Got Mail is the remake of this.

***

CSA: Confederate States of America

This was an entertaining concept and ok-ly executed. The faux-mercials are pretty good. I do wish people would understand the difference between the Confederate Battle Flag and the Stars and Bars.

**

Van Helsing

How can you screw up such an awesome concept as “vampires + werewolves + frankenstein?” Ask the wackjob that wrote this movie. I seriously thought this movie was over and then there was another hour.

**

Appleseed

Eh. Giant robots and boob physics are cool I guess.

**

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11 movie reviews in under 2200 characters

by: Ross

The Birth of a Nation

Pretty watchable considering it is: from in 1915, a silent movie, three hours long, full of actors in black face, and generally praises the KKK.

Rating: ***

Moulin Rouge!

I’m pretty sure this movie blew my mind. I did have to watch it in four sittings, whatever that means. Secretly it means I love Ewan McGregor and asked someone the other day if he had any solo albums.

Rating: ***

In the Bedroom

I was impressed with the realness and believability of the dialog in this movie. Several seriously awkward situations are portrayed, well, seriously (and realistically) awkward.

Rating: ****

Dune: Extended Edition

You will only enjoy this movie if you love the book, otherwise you will probably fall asleep and dream about how David Lynch sucks. Although if you love Sting in a loin cloth you might like it.

Rating: ***

Mr. and Mrs. Smith

This movie is like War of the Roses for people who took seven years to graduate high school.

Rating: ***

What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?

If you like scary old ladies who wear too much make up, dance, and sing to a life sized doll, this is for you! It is also for you if you love sweet old thrillers.

Rating: ****

The Outlaw Josey Wales

Clint Eastwood spits tobacco juice on a scorpion, a dog (three times), a beetle, two dead men, and one carpetbagger.

Rating: ***

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Unlike the New Texas Chain Saw Massacre, this movie doesn’t make you feel like you spent two hours watching a snuff film. Featuring a black man with man boobs.

Rating: ***

Little Miss Sunshine

Easily the best movie I’ve seen this year. Greg Kinnear is a funny man, I don’t care what you say.

Rating: *****

I Am a Promise: The Children of Stanton Elementary School

I Am a Promise: The Children of Stanton Elementary School
At the time of filming (apparently when Arsenio Hall was the epitome of high fashion and style) 5 million kids were classified as having “educational problems,” 3 million of those were black. Sad.

Rating: ***

12 Angry Men

Good, but there was definitely one guy who didn’t get angry the entire movie. Here is a question: could women serve on juries in 1958? I mean, probably not.

Rating: ***

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8 movie reviews in under 1600 characters

by: Ross

Some Like It Hot

A great member of the Cross Dressing Comedy; personally my favorite Genre. Plus Tony Curtis does this awesome impression of Cary Grant and it is hilarious.

Rating: ****

Promises

Its like kids say the darndest things, but these kids all have racist parents. Good in a sad way though.

Rating: ****

King Kong

Adrien Brody gets attacked by giant spider crickets. This was the most disturbing thing I have ever seen. THEY WERE ON HIS FACE.

Rating: ***

She’s the Man

I love transvesti-comedies. This is one of them.

Rating: ***

The Trouble With Angels

This movie made my wife want to be a nun when she was a kid.

Rating: ***

Bill Cosby: Himself

I will shoot you in your face with a bazooka. So sayeth Cosby.

Rating: ****

Jarhead

Jake Gyllenhaal and his future brother-in-law in THE SAME MOVIE. Serisouly I love Peter Saarsgard, and you should too.

Rating: ****

Everything Is Illuminated

It’s like watching myself drive around the Ukrainian country side for two hours. And by that I mean really awesome. Also, if you can’t laugh at a foreigner’s broken english you aren’t human

Rating: ****

Note: Ratings out of 5 possible stars

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My review of Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace

by: Justin

Usually when I read a book, the book world exists only within the covers of the book. Even super-compelling book worlds, like Middle Earth, while fully realized, don’t make me think I could literally go there.

About 90% of the way through Infinite Jest, I realized it was a whole different sort of book world. I honestly felt like I could go to Boston and see the Enfield Tennis Academy. It would be there. I mean, I’m trying not to be too cliche here, but Hal Incandenza might be starting in on some homework right now, or maybe settling down to reread through the latest edition of the Oxford English Dictionary. His brother Mario might be limping down to Himself’s (read: his dad’s) film editing lab to work on this year’s documentary for the alumni. The Moms (read: their mom) would be doing something ultra-functional, either crusading for the betterment of usage, grammar, or punctuation in public life, grading ETA papers, or preparing curicula for the remainder of the school year.

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I saw Saw.

by: Ross

I don’t know how you can resist a movie with a tagline like See Saw, I certainly couldn’t (at least I couldn’t resist it on Netflix). You have to have some major marketing cajones to go to press with such a succinctly punny tag. MY HAT IS OFF TO YOU LION’S GATE.

Saw is intense, like Se7en times two, like, 4ourteen or some shit. It’s like the new Se7en for those who aren’t fazed by that crazy hooker + medieval knife scenario, you know, the kids these days. As we’ve rolled along as a society I guess we’ve built up a tolerance to horror movies, so each and every subsequent horror movie must contain more gore, creep, and scares per square minute to keep up (with the kids these days).

Saw follows the same premise set down by Se7en — which is perhaps a premise set down by someone else: killer devises intricate and deadly scenarios to teach people with “problems” a “lesson.” Many people die in the process. It is a good premise and this instance is not without *twists*. Worth a netflix if you’ve got it.

The movie maintained a high level of Scarocity™ while not turning into a snuff film (which according to that wikipedia article, the existance of snuff films may just be an urban legend). Recent movies have resorted to the ol’ hey-I-am-scary-because-I-am-basically- depicting-the-realistic-torture-slash-murder-of-a-human-being trick — The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) I’m looking in your direction. So good work Saw

I will say that I rarely see movies in theatres these days but if I do there is a good chance I’ll be watching a horror flick. There is something awesomely painful about willing submitting to a horror movie for a couple of hours in a big dark room.

So with that, here are some films that I enjoy and can call to mind at the moment:

  • Se7evn
  • Slugs
  • Misery
  • The Ring
  • The Shinning
  • House of 1000 Corpses
  • The Devil’s Rejects
  • 28 Days Later
  • Descent
  • Saw

PS. who is excited about Saw II and Saw III!?!??!

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A Convenient Truth

by: midas

On Monday, Maura and I finally got out to see An Inconvenient Truth up at Potomac Mills with our good friends Jon and Ingrid. They are soon to be moving out to California, where Jon is going to study for his PhD in Oceanography, so they were excellent people to go see this particular movie with.

If you haven’t gone to see it, you should. It may very well not be playing near you, in which case you could always download it illegally off of the internet, not that I am advocating that. It is a pretty entertaining movie which boils down to basically an engaging lecture on the global warming situation, its causes, evidence, and consequences. It has a teensy bit of Al Gore biography in it, but it isn’t really an advertisement for him - if anything, it’s an advertisement for Apple Keynote. Go see it!

But this article isn’t really about the movie at all. In fact, if you are the kind of person who doesn’t believe in science or in personal responsibility, it doesn’t really have to be about global warming either. At the least, this is an article about how to save money. Add some idealism, and it could be an article about how to reduce the United States’ dependence on foreign oil. And if you are one of those lucky few who does believe in anthropogenic climate change, well, here is how to save the world.

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The Garbage Pail Kids Movie: how to flip your mom the bird and lose ninety-seven minutes of your life

by: Ross

This weekend I Netflix’d the Garbage Pail Kids Movie — it was something else. My mother never allowed me to own/purchase Garpage Pail Kids cards or see the movie. Now that I am released from her tyrannical iron fisted rule, I thought I would show her what for and watch the movie anyway. Let me just say, any movie presented by Topps Chewing Gum is bound to be awesome.

The Garbage Pail Kids are midgets. They are not kids — although there is one midget sized baby. There’s the Fonz who starts every sentence with “AYYEEEE,” the black guy from Miami Vice who farts a lot, some chick who snots everywhere, and so on. These midgets escape from the Garbage Pail to battle the evil guy who looks like AC Slater and his gang of goons: Fat Courtney Love and Guy With Silver Arm Band.

The hero, Sean Astin’s brother (seriously), falls in love with AC Slater’s gf Tangerine. Tangerine loves to make 80’s dance clothes! But how will our hero ever relate to the uber-hip Tangerine? Obviously he will get his cadre of Garbage Pail kids to work in sweat shop like conditions to make 80’s dance clothes. I know it is weird.

Then some stuff happens and the Kids end up in The State Home for the Ugly which is a prison for people/things afflicted by things like “too skinny,” “too fat,” and “Too Gross.” The GPK’s are thrown into the “Too Gross” cell which is right below the “Too Skinny.” Who would you throw into the “Too Skinny” cell? How about Abraham Lincoln? No joke, seriously.

Some more stuff happens and Tangerine has a fashion show which the GPK’s show up at and cause a ruckus. The end.

Seriously the 80’s were weird.

George Lucas Likes Dune

by: midas

So here is Dune, by Frank Herbert. It’s a verifiable classic of Science Fiction writing, it spawned a movie which is a classic of Science Fiction filmmaking, and I found a battered old copy of it at the by now famous Fredericksburg Library Booksale.

It has a picture of Monument Valley on the spine. Don’t know why.

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