Haduken.com

When The U fired their most recent head coach they fired, quite possibly, the very essence of Miami slow cooked, concentrated, and poured into the earthly vessel of Randy Shannon. He was born in Miami, went to high school in Miami, played football at the University of Miami, coached at the Miami Dolphins, and finally — after a handful of years as an assistant — ascended to the head of The U. And, ultimately, he was summarily dismissed at the end of the regular season with a theoretically disappointing 7-5 record.

The man brought in to replace Randy Shannon, Al Golden, has a coaching resume built upon the backs of dreadful places like “Boston College,” “Temple,” and — god forbid — “Virginia.” He’s proven a winner at milquetoast Temple but certainly doesn’t embody Miami like Shannon. Does it matter? In Miami’s never-ceasing quest for Backness they’ll crush and powder the bones of whomever is willing to take the job — which got me to thinking:

What are the worst jobs in college football?

Surely, The U. Miami has a nationwide fanbase, but can’t sell out their stadium — they averaged 70.1% capacity in 2010. With an undergraduate class of under 10k they’ve got a small alumni base. They also compete with Florida, Florida State, and — more recently — South Florida, for in-state recruits. Miami also has high turnover for head coaches: no coach has lasted more than six years dating back to 1979. That’s crazy when you think about the success they’ve had as a program over the last three decades.

What about Florida, Michigan, and USC? All are storied programs, with stiff competition, and — perhaps unreasonably — high expectations. Frankly, I’m surprised Rich Rodriguez hasn’t been canned at Michigan for going 15-21 over three seasons. The pressure of these jobs can be, literally, debilitating — as Urban Meyer’s heart discovered. New coaches need time to establish their systems, and I’m not sure any of these programs are willing to wait for that to happen.

But Notre Dame, NOTRE EFFING DAME, must be the worst coaching gig of all time. You’ve got the same annual media pressure for Ultimate Success as Miami plus a host of other issues. No one has more history than Notre Dame: there is a pantheon of Coaching Gods watching your every X and O. They could give a shit about breaking contracts: they’ve got the money to hire and fire at will. Due to historic rivalries and conference independence their schedule is actually pretty tough year in and year out. Plus, you’ve gotta be a Catholic.

Good luck Brian Kelly!