Haduken

Someone violated my Netflix

by: Ross

Lately my Netflix has been slow to arrive — if they arrive at all. I’ve had to request replacements for both Superman Returns (eh) and Stranger than Ficton (!). This really isn’t that surprising since our mailman letter carrier, depending on his emotional state that day, leaves our mail on the porch, in the door, on the ground, and sometimes even in the mailbox.

Today I get three Netflix in the mail, including two copies of Stranger than Fiction: the original and the replacement. The both look like this:

WTF!

Both of them had been opened and resealed with blue painters tape. The original disc was shipped 5/16 and the replacement was shipped 5/23. Both arrived yesterday (5/30). I’m so confused! Who opens Netflix that don’t belong to them and then sends them back in the mail? I mean you’ve already committed a felony, why not just keep the free DVD’s?

So listen up. If you’ve been stealing my Neflix: stop. Kthx bai.

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  1. Two of my last three movies were Superman Returns and Stranger Than Fiction. Superman was not good, last night I watched Stranger than Fiction and was very pleasantly surprised. Muy Bien!

    — nic | @

  2. start ordering really shitty movies. after a month or so, (s)he will probably stop. you can only watch the slacker so many times before your brain forgets how to open envelopes.

    — midas | @

  3. Our letter carrier and Netflix are great. Unfortunately, I think our letter carrier went on vacation and the replacement guy was not quite on top of it. I ordered a replacement delivered and it came along with the original. Note: Two Exorcism of Emily Rose dvds are somehow even less scary than one.

    — Scott Burger | @

  4. Superman Returns was good.

    — Susan | @

  5. i think your mail guy is the culprit. he probably watches everyone’s movies and he probably didn’t keep yours bc he’s already kept those movies from someone else. he can’t keep every movie ever or he’d be caught.

    you should mail yourself a netflix envelope full of anthrax- that’ll teach the bastard.

    — Wolf | @

  6. Your mailbox could use an upgrade, i would be willing to help you put one up

    — James | @

  7. I heart my mailbox. We have a state of the art mail brick. HE COULD JUST USE THAT.

    I guess it would be nice to have a long mailbox like y’all.

    — MaxPower | @

  8. set up a webcam to see if anyone is coming by and stealing them after theyve been delivered. if not, you know it’s the mailguy and you can use wolf’s plan.

    — midas | @

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