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5 ways to become a Netflix Don Juan

by: Ross

I love Netflix and I talk about it a lot — because let’s face it, I love love love it. Sometimes I’ll hear about people who have broken up with Netflix because their relationship had grown cold and loveless. They’d get home from work, eat their teevee dinners and never touch one another. This breaks my heart people, breaks it right in two. To prevent this I’d like to share a couple ways you can turn your Netflix relationship from sad to fab!

Send it back

The first rule of hearting Netflix: SEND IT BACK. If Weekend at Bernie’s II: Cruise Control has been sitting under that copy of Sailing Magazine for the last eight days you need to send it back. If, some day in the future when oil has peaked and a killer comet is headed straight for us, you want to watch Weekend at Bernie’s II again you can always put it back on your queue. Don’t let it stop your flow like a tampon.

Never have three* at home

If you have all three netflix at home at the same time you have failed — as a person. Obviously you didn’t read rule number one and Bio Dome has been sitting on top of your dvd player for three weeks. Or maybe you are lazy. Regardless, you want to stagger your netflix arrivals so ever couple days you get a new red envelope in the mail. You never want four day gaps in between red envelopes.

*Or however big your queue is.

Know your mail schedule and watch for weekends

To prevent having three at home you need to know your mail schedule. My mail(wo)man picks up the mail at 1pm everyday, so netflix need to be in the box before then. Simple.

Mail is analog as shit fyi. It actually stops on Sundays. Remember this as your plan your netflix staggering. You’ll want enough to get you through the weekend but have one going out on Friday so you can get a new one on Monday.

Switch up genres — including TV shows

Nothing is worse than watching six Naomi Watts horror movies in a row — except for maybe just, like, seeing Tara Reid six times. You’ve got to have a good mix of genres in your queue to keep things interesting. The next six movies in my queue have the following genres: horror, documentary, classics, comedy, foreign, drama. SNAP!

TV shows are tricky. You can’t possibly watch all episodes of ST:TOS (Star Trek: The Original Series) in a row. Believe me, I’ve tried and failed like Lt. Reginald Barclay. Try alternating between a TV show you are hot on and other movies. This will keep you into your stories but won’t let you get bored.

Netflix.com the best website … ever?

Finally, get acquainted with the Netflix Friend Page. It’s called the Netflix Friend Page not because it contains detailed information about your Netflix friends — which it does — but because this page is your friend. Why trust an evil soulless algorithm to recommend movies to you when you (presumably) have friends? Checking out your friend’s queues is the single best way of finding awesome movies to watch.


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  1. O.K I hear you — But I’m still not swayed to go back… How can you like NetFlix over Blockbuster… For the very low price of $8.39… Blockbuster gives you 3 mailed movies. With those 3 you can mail them back to get another. Or you can take directly to a store and pickup another movie for free. You also get a coupon for 1 free movie or Video Game. So basically you get 6 movies a month and a free “Wii” video game rental. How does NetFlix beat that!!!

    — Eric | @

  2. My roommate has the Blockbuster deal, while I have Netflix. So far Netflix has not made a single mistake in our relationship.

    In the two weeks that my roommate has been “seeing” Blockbuster, they have sent him the wrong disc TWICE.

    — BK | @

  3. dude that is crazy you have 2 movie rental services in the same household. hedonismbot!

    — midas | @

  4. We also have two video game rental services. I and my third as yet unmentioned roommate have a gamefly subscription. And the foolish fool of a fool with Blockbuster gets games through them as well.

    As amazing as that sounds… it’s actually TEN TIMES that amazing!

    — BK | @

  5. Two things:

    1) If I went to my neighborhood blockbuster, I bet I would find maybe 20 of the 112 movies in my queue. Plus, netflix friends are 25% of the value of netflix for me. That is why I personally don’t switch.
    2) Ironically it’s always the really classy, top quality movies that sit on my table for weeks, because i’m never in the mood to be emotional, but i’m always in the mood to watch, say, Ice Princess.

    — RMSzero | @

  6. I have used Netflix and it has its good points. However, I recently discovered the Chesterfield Public Library. They have thousands of DVD’s (and CD’s for you iPod fans) within their county wide system and all can be ordered held by a simple online request. You may have to wait in line for the newest releases - but have any of you seen “The Seventh Seal” recently? Or “The Bicycle Thief”?

    And best of all it’s FREE.

    — Bill Garnett | @

  7. i gotta go with blockbuster too… you can’t beat the free movies you get without having to wait when you turn the mailer in (i am lucky that blockbuster is within walking distance for me) and i get coupons for free movies or games. I do like the friend feature of netflix though… that sounds pretty cool. oh, and turning them in at the store speeds up the process and i usually have the next movie even before i finish watching the one i just got.

    — J in Ric | @

  8. oh hey… never thought you could work in a reference to a tampon as smoothly as you just did. nice. ;)

    — J in Ric | @

  9. yeah the library is a diamond in the rough. we complement our netflix with the spotsylvania system, which has dvds of like every tv show ever made. i was amazed to see the entire 7 seasons of ds9 sitting there on the shelf. there was a surprisingly good selection of more recent things too.

    it especially helps if you are bad at moderating your viewing habits, like we are, sending all of our movies out saturday after the mail comes.

    it’s like netflix, only you pay for it in your taxes!

    — midas | @

  10. I agree about BBuster not being reliable. They’re really awful. I like being able to adjust my NetFlix queue - switch from 5 to 2 in the queue on month, back up to 5 for the holidays, etc. And another thing, has anyone else noticed how the Bbuster stores smell? Like dirty carpet. I can’t stand it more than once or twice a year.
    Best tip I’ve heard is the library. I’m heading there this weekend.

    — Falco1917 | @

  11. Yeah, I mean, you can’t beat walking distance Blockbuster.

    — RMSzero | @

  12. I didn’t join netflix until I moved back to Richmond, the Richmond library just isn’t as good as the one I was used to when it comes to DVDs.

    And I would never join BB’s service on principle. I hate that company.

    — nic | @

  13. Maybe so — but for the free game rentals at Blockbuster - its worth all the other negatives. That free monthly coupon pretty much pays for the entire service. It’s like $6-7 to rent a game for a week now.

    But I will say that NetFlix has a much better website than BB. Even though BB has made some changes - it’s a lot easier to find upcoming releases and add them to the queue.

    — Eric | @

  14. When will netflix add games?? I was *just* saying the other day that I wished I could go rent elebits to see if it was worth buying. I mean that definitely is a thing I would use with blockbuster.

    But seriously people, netflix friends. It is awesome and amazing. It has this great component of voyeurism to it that lures me in. I can’t stop looking at people’s queues. And it just kicks the shit out of the recommendation system.

    — MaxPower | @

  15. whenever similar conversations about netflix happen, i always think (because i am a nerd), “wouldn’t it be cool if there was a netflix, only with books.” but then i remember: this is called a library.

    — midas | @

  16. I don’t know how it happened, but I have 177 movies in my queue. I doubt I’ll ever be able to watch all those movies. It has turned into a way for me to keep track of what movies I want to see, and then when I send one back, I rearrange my queue to get the movie I really want to see.

    Also, I’m curious who Maxpower’s friend with the highest % similarity is. I’m at a measly 76%, likely due to our split over Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure.

    — BK | @

  17. I will tell this story over and over again until I go to the grave: I am responsible for the Netflix Friends feature. It was my idea and I outlined it and sent it in and they used it.

    Another tip I’d add - just because it’s next in your queue doesn’t mean you have to get it next. When you send a movie back, immediately go to your queue and find one that you actually want to watch. Otherwise you’re wasting your own time, Netflix’s time, and my time, when you want to come over to my house and watch one of mine because they rule and I’m usually baking something.

    — Susan | @

  18. Those Netflix vs. Blockbuster adds make me want to punch through the screen and complain yet again about how people don’t know dick about movies. Blockbuster doesn’t even carry the Gilmore Girls. THE GILMORE GIRLS. As Kelly says, the whole point of having Netflix is so that you’ll never have to go to a Blockbuster again. Blockbuster is Netflix Lite and is the equivalent of listening to pop radio and thinking it’s real music. Yeah, I said it.

    — Susan | @

  19. i wish i could sit on my couch and order pizza and a movie and they would just show up at my door together. that is all i want in life. except that also i might be able to order chinese sometimes.

    — Wolf | @

  20. also, i think the blockbuster thing is good just for the competition. even if it’s just motivation for netflix to get better/cheaper.

    — Wolf | @

  21. I am 89% similar to Max

    — nic | @

  22. Yeah but is he 89% similar to you?

    — RMSzero | @

  23. No he is 81% similar to me, Susan leads the pack with 84%.

    — MaxPower | @

  24. well, excuse me!

    — nic | @

  25. the only time ive ever logged onto the netflix site is the following:

    1) to rate really crappy movies 1 star before maura can get to them
    2) to add all of the star trek movies to the queue

    both were successes.

    — midas | @

  26. HELL YEAH!

    Plus, also, I like the fact that I don’t spontaneously decide what movie to get. How often have you done that ambling, shuffling Blockbuster stroll, where you end up getting How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days just because you don’t feel like arguing about it. Netflix allows you to put together a sweet and respectable little (flexible) syllabus for yourself!

    — Susan | @

  27. What!? Pssh. Susan USED to be the person most like me, but now I’m most similar to you, Ross. Well, that’s the end of that.

    — RMSzero | @

  28. I hope you don’t mind me referencing this on my site. Brilliant Post!

    — Sads | @

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