13 movie reviews in under 2,600 characters

by Ross Catrow

Casablanca

I loved this movie. I never realized how many famous lines came out of this film.

*****

A Streetcar Named Desire

Why aren’t movies magical anymore?

*****

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

You had me at hello RDJr.

****

Hotel Rwanda

How did I miss this guy speaking at Chop Suey last year!?

****

Fullmetal Alchemist: The Movie: Conqueror of Shamballa

You know, one of those alternate universes where Nazi’s are on the verge of a victory through the occult. They should just make more seasons and less movies.

****

The Usual Suspects

Before this movie Kevin Spacey was in “The Ref” — the best Christmas movie ever. Now Kevin Spacey is Mr. Legitimate Actor. Lesson: costar in a movie with Dennis Leary.

****

Happy Endings

I’ll admit, a rating of four stars is a bit high for this movie. But LBH. I am a sucker for a Gyllenhaal. Also Lisa Kudrow is strangely attractive to me, like, in a hot mom sort of way.

****

The Virgin Suicides

1) James Woods looks exactly like my grandfather in this movie. 2) Kirsten Dunst is hot even though she is supposed to be 14. 3) One of the suiciders was definitely not a virgin at time of suicide.

***

Brick

INTRIGUING! That guy from “10 Things I Hate About You” plays some serious Sam Spade action. I’m not sure why everyone talked like they were in a 50′s detective movie though?

***

Poltergeist

Craig T. “Coach” Nelson stars in this film which is the “The ‘burbs” of the genre. A Steven Spielberg production — you’d probably be better of just watch Jaws..

***

V for Vendetta

NOTICE TO LADIES: shave your heads it is incredibly hott.

***

The Tete and the Moon

Tits and farts. And I do mean lots of tits. Some of this movie is clevery, most of this movie is awkward.

**

The 40 Year Old Virgin

How is this movie two hours and thirteen minutes long?

**

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