Whoa, look what Al Gore came up with this time?!!?!?
Reasons not to move to Florida
by Ross Catrow
- You think Richmond is humid? Ha!
- Nearly twenty percent of Florida residents are 65 or older. That means out of every five people you see on the street one will be saggy (spell check suggested “slaggy” — which is not the same thing) and wrinkly.
- Real backwoods folk live in Florida, not Virginia. These dudes live in swamps. Literally.
- Without the Croc Hunter there is nothing that stands between you and death by gator (He hunted alligators too, fyi. He actually hunted the shit out of anything that moved. RIP buddy).
- Florida is one of four states on the east coast that the Appalachian Trail does not cross.
- Florida is home to FSU, UF and UM. I am apathetic (not ambivalent) about UF, but utterly detest the others.
- If you happen to be in Miami for a UM Football game try not to get stabbed. Seriously.
- Katherine Harris might be insane.
8a. Katherine Harris IS UTTERLY AND HOPELESSLY BATSHIT CRAZY.
9. It rains frogs. literally
I find UF lovable for four reasons:
a) Spurrier is no longer there
b) They also hate M-Fl (as in not M-Oh) and FSU
c) Urban Meyer is awesome + smart
d) I would love to go to a Tennessee game but I appreciate when they lose which UF also appreciates
what about the constant risk of death and destruction by hurricane.
random florida fact: i was born there (west palm beach).
The number one reason not to move to Florida [especially South Florida] is that you are not in the USA. South Florida residents are mainly made up of illegals; 3rd world ignoramous’; and pompous Cubans.