Reasons not to move to Texas
by Ross Catrow
- They think they are part of the South
- This movie
- It is hot *and* humid
- Everything is apparently bigger there
- This overhead view of Houston
- Their barbecue sauce is basically a tomato
- Texas is where families find hope, where wings take dream
Technorati Tags: texas
8: fattest state, or at least it used to be.
Roanoke has got to be the fattest state now. Granted, Roanoke is technically a city and not a state, but seriously, there’s enough fat people there to consitute its own state…its own fat state.
dude austin texas equals awesome
i’m just sayin
my main beef with texas is how they think they are so awesome that they should be a country. they are closer to be absorbed by mexico than they are to being a country.
texas is part of the south, just a different south. but certainly not the South. you can get gravy with everything- moreso than anywhere i’d consider the South. which probably explains the fatness.
texas does have black cowboys which is so weird. like, real cowboys with spurs and stuff.
i could be wrong about this, but i think texas is less humid than va. gulf coast texas might be more, but on average? i think texas is less.
Well I looked it up, Houston is apparently one of the most humid places around. The idea was don’t move to texas to escape the humidity. But yeah, I bet western texas is like a DESERT. Probably because it is.
Dude gravy. Gravy is delicious double edged sword.
well, yeah, houstin is right next to the gulf = massive sauna.
they have chicken fast food places and your chicken comes standard with a tub of gravy. and i mean a *tub*. mmmmm. plus good mexican food.
dude, what’s with you and people leaving r/va for other places? have you had some kind of trauma or something? you should do a series where you go through every state and show how virginia is better than them. 1/week and you’re done in a year with some vacations.
Hahah, I just saw that movie “The education of Shelby Knox” which is a documentary that takes place in Lubick, Texas. It looked like a really really terrible place to live. Although Buddy Holly was from there?
The movie is about how they only teach abstinence in schools there, but have one of the nation’s highest rates of STD’s and teen pregnancy. So this girl Shelby, who is into true love waits, starts championing this cause of changing the sex ed. curriculum. She got all kinds of flack for it.
Then towards the end they start talking about ‘dem gays and its like whatever. She had a bad understanding of theology though. It made me sad. Also, the GodHatesFags.com people showed up, those people are scum.
sounds awesome. lc has a friend who used to live in texas in a small “town” like that. she said there’s nothing to do so everyone just drinks and has sex with everyone. she says ‘king of the hill’ accurately portrays much of texas.
that state series could be so funny. you could make it funny, but all the weirdos would show up and get really angry and defend north dakota with vigor.
i mean texas is huge, so they have like 8 different climate zones in there, desert, coastal, temperate… other things. i bet some places are dry and some are humid, but they are all FAT.
i just hate the IDEA of texas. it’s like when everyone was obsessed with australia. it’s annoying.
I’ve been to Houston and I can confirm that it is hell on earth. It’s 90 miles east to west, completely flat, has 3 concentric beltways, and is as hot and humid as I ever experienced. I have no idea why anyone would want to live there… or why I almost moved there…
COUCH! did you change your email address or something? i found your comment hiding in the spam queue between bestiality videos and cialis ads.
I did change my e-mail! I AM CRAZY LIKE THAT! I thought that maybe my comment was too racy for Haduken because it called Roanoke the fattest state in America…basically because it is. Maybe Haduken can’t handle the truth.
An inconvenient truth, couch?
I understand that more people wear cowboy boots than flip flops at Texas A&M U. That is one reason to move there. Otherwise–i like the idea of the colbert-esque pick a state each week.
My wife and I moved to Richmond from Austin two weeks ago.
1. It’s only recent arrivals to TX that are convinced it’s part of the South. Lifers know otherwise and are somewhat disgusted by the assertion.
2. True. Outside of the metropolises, Texas has a lot of red-stater hypocrisy. I have yet to be convinced that VA is much better (cf. “Macaca”).
3. True. Everyone here complains about the heat but it already seems like fall to me. That’s another bonus here– fall isn’t just theoretical, it’s a real season.
4. True. This is neutral though– the highway system is big and gorgeous. The state capitol is “accidentally” taller than the national capitol. Big Bend National Park. 1.4% of world GDP. Etc, etc.
5. Houston sucks. Even Houstonians think so.
6. The alleged barbecue in VA is not even on my radar as a “meat product”. That place in carytown has an edible approximation of a “texas hot” bbq sauce, but the rest of it was cruel and unusual punishment.
7. He ruined our state. We were astonished the rest of the country elected him to the presidency.
8. Austin, TX == awesome.
9. Grocery stores here are expensive and awful, the produce being particularly shameful. Thank god we discovered Tom Leonard’s.
In Richmond’s favor are the weather, the availability of downtown living for less than $2/sq ft/mo, and the exciting murder rates. We like it here so far.
welcome to va!
bbq: yeah that place is pretty mediocre i think. if you can’t find the shed where they slaughter the pig, it’s probably not worth going to.
for me the best bbq sauce is vinegar, vinegar, and hot stuff. is that NC-style? i’m over that sweet pasty stuff, wherever that is from.
virginians pride ourselves on our humidity. we like to marvel at it and at ourselves for our brave endurance of it. frequent topics of conversation are: “boy, it’s humid,” “when i moved here, i couldn’t believe how humid it was,” and “the desert might be 110 degrees, but at least it isn’t this humid.” please don’t ruin that for us. :)
are you talking double t’s in carytown? if so, been twice and i’ll never go back. overpriced and the owner is extremely annoying and comes to your table and hassles your face off to buy his dessert. yes, i’m bitter.
i still say va is more humid than texas (overall, not just houston). not hotter, but more humid. but i think of any east coast state south of va to be more humid than va? whatever though, it’s weather.
i’ve enjoyed texas when i’ve been (just there again in july). most of my time has been spent in or around dallas. if you venture out of a city though- oh man- the trashiest people ever. rural texas makes me far less embarrassed of my southwestern va brethren.
texas destroys va steaks/beef and mexican food.
but we have peanuts and ham!
texas has better hunting. if you’re into that.
I hate Double T. Like as a person. One time he slavered over my wife while I was sitting right there!?!? I seriously dislike that guy. Plus the bbq BLOWS. Yeah. Oh if anyone is interesting some weekend in October is going to be Porktoberfest in the Ghetto. We will roast another pig and have (hopefully) a keg of a local seasonal brew. Get excited.
Yeah I think Austin may be awesome. I’d love to go there actually. I’d be interested in hearing why you moved from Austin to Richmond.
Check out these places for some good BBQ:
1.Pq’s BBQ (so old school they only take cash or check)
2.Grandpa Eddie’s
3.Bill’s BBQ
There is no particular order there, they are all amazing.
Welcome to Va! Start sandbagging your house if you live in the Bottom!
Hmm Alabama style, I don’t know about all of that. It sounds awfully tomato-y. I think I read a review on that place though that said it was Awesome.
They won a state championship of BBQ (or maybe national, their sign out front says which if you go)
Also, from their “our story” section
“The pulled pork is pure North Carolina, with its own vinegar-based sauce and secret rub.”
Dude, it is worth a trip, that’s for sure!
i go to pq’s at least once a week- less for the bbq than for all the beer inflatables and nascar “decoration.” that place is so crappy, but so irresistable.
Wow! Thanks for the welcomes and bbq reccomendations. It was Double-T’s, and double-T himself is annoying. He offered us a 10% discount to sit at the bar (strange).
We moved here after VCU made a very generous grad scholarship offer to my wife, and I wrangled a telecommuting deal with my Austin employer.
I hope the details of Porktoberfest get posted here; that sounds awesome.
Hey! I happen to be from Houston, TX, and I’m not fat! I didn’t vote for George W. Bush. I don’t eat gravy EVER. I don’t even eat meat. Everyone knows that Houston sucks…get over it.
Houston sucks. I can’t wait to get the fuck back to new york.
Racist people all around.
Impatient and arrogant.
So prooud because of being stupid
Have no idea that science exists.
You are all jerks! TEXAS IS THE BEST STATE EVER!
They think they are part of the South(We are on the border of MEXICO! How much more South can we get?)
This movie (The Jerks in HOLLYWOOD make that stuff up!)
It is hot *and* humid (It proves that everyone else in the U.S. are weaklings!)
Everything is apparently bigger there (Don’t knock us because wherever your sorry butts are from is puny.)
This overhead view of Houston (THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HOUSTON!)
Their barbecue sauce is basically a tomato (LIES! At least we HAVE barbeque sauce!)
Texas is where families find hope, where wings take dream (The problem with that is….?)
YOU ARE A JERKFACE!