This shall serve as formal notification to all members with posting privileges on the Haduken.com Front Page (hereafter: “Front Page”). Due to a recent bevy of offensive, opinionated articles posted by some of our members, all future articles must meet the following criteria:

• All articles must give equal time* to two (2) sides of the issue, no more, no less
• If an issue has more than or less than two (2) sides, the author must fabricate another side, or ignore or deny the existence or validity of any extraneous ones
• The issue or subject of an article must be the subject of a current CNN, MSNBC or FOXNews article or story
• All articles must link to Wikipedia at least once (1ce) as an authoritative source
• All articles must have been previously published in an approved, peer-reviewed journal**
• No articles may contain pictures, since pictures can be open to interpretation by the reader, who may interpret them in an unbalanced or incorrect manner
• Most importantly, personal opinion must be kept absolutely silent at all times

Some examples of offending articles:

• An article about your favorite food, unless it is everyone else’s favorite food as well
• A movie review where you express an opinion on the quality or enjoyability of the movie in question
• An article about your vacation, unless your vacation inspired a scholarly article about the place you visited, and then you post the scholarly article instead
• An article about a political issue where you advocate a certain position, or reference an external article that advocates a certain position

All articles that fail to meet all of these criteria will be removed without notice, or stripped of all offending content, depending on the (admittedly) transient whims of the editors. Remember, Haduken.com is an authoritative news and discussion site, not a personal or community blogging site, so it is important to be absolutely professional at all times.

Thank you for helping us make Haduken.com the one-stop shop on the web for laughs, friends, and - most importantly - fair, balanced, and sober analysis and commentary.

Signed,
The Haduken.com Satire Department

* - “Equal Time” shall be defined as no more than 5 words difference, or 20 letters, whichever is smaller
** - A list of approved journals is available upon request