Here we go again kids…

1. Pool Party Ring Toss Game: $13.99

If it were not for the lack of water, this fabulous game MIGHT make me think that I was at a beach side pool party! In Pool Party Ring Toss the sole purpose of your pasty white arm is to throw weighted neon rings at a floating base…but be CAREFUL! If you miss, the ring will sink to the bottom of the pool leaving you in the same position as our favorite sibling to Ring Toss, THE AQUA PEARLS! Hopefully since our encounter with the pearls you’ve been working on getting rid of that mass of undulating back fat…

2. UnderArmor T-Shirts: $20.00

Made especially for the buff military man wanting to show off his spectacular pectorial muscles (aka: MAN BOOBS) but often worn by the lankiest soldier in the smallest size available. Under Armor shirts are a must have for the soldier who knows that a trendy brown baby-doll T in the desert is WAY more fashionable than the set of brown cottons. ( set of 3 : $9.00) Plus, at 20 bucks a pop there’s no reason not to be stylish while the bullets are flying!

3. 20 FL. OZ. Gatorade: $1.50

As the bottle claims it is “More than just water!” Apparently, for a buck fifty (nevermind the fact that you can get as many as you want from the DFAC for FREE) this stuff is SCIENTIFICALLY FORMULATED to rehydrate, replenish, and refuel a person in ways that water can’t…After all, water CERTAINLY doesn’t contain 14 Carbs. PLUS, with tastebud tantilizing flavors like Fruit Punch, Riptide Rush, and Fierce Grape who could resist the urge to pee every five minutes?

4. Oprah Magazine: $4.99

There’s no better way to spend your time in the desert!! In it’s nearly 200 pages you can get information on child rearing AND tips on how to look absolutely ravishing in a pair of gold lamme pants! Our favorite day time talk show host blabs about it all! If you have hopes, dreams, and a BRILLIANT yo-yo dieting plan then this is the magazine for you! Escape the humdrum of desert life and catapult yourself back into the slight retardation of the “real world,” OPRAH STYLE!